Today I was browsing through my Spotify Discover Weekly playlist and I stumbled on a song/spoken word piece called Almost by Your World Within. As a young adult at a crossroads, this recording really spoke to me.
I’ve been so fixated on the changes happening in my life right now, I’m half moved into my new apartment, I’m ordering textbooks and clearing out my wardrobe. There’s so much furniture I have yet to buy, so many bills I have yet to pay, and there’s so much uncertainty. The reminder that I will miss 100% of the shots I don’t take is a pertinent one. I know what I’m doing, I’m in the process of making huge changes, but the underlying uncertainty is gnawing away at me. I’m looking at other kids my age, some with jobs, others attending grad schools like me and I can’t help but wonder; am I the only one who has literally no idea what I’m doing? How is everyone else so certain about what they want to do for the rest of their lives?
I’m beginning to realize that perhaps I don’t need complete certainty. Maybe I won’t have total confidence. I don’t know if I’ll ever be totally self-assured in anything. I question, I second guess, and I debate every decision I make. And then I rinse and repeat for good measure. I’m making peace with the fact that being indecisive, tentative, and hesitant are all part of my nature. My goal is simply to make peace with God and trust him to make up for my deficiencies. Where I am hesitant and unsure, I will turn to him for confidence. Where I am afraid, I will rely on him for courage. I am not called to be perfect, I am simply called to be the best version of me I can be, and have faith that he will provide what I lack.
“Indeed, our lives are guided by faith, not by sight.” II Corinthians 5:7