These past two weeks have been a personal hiatus for me, largely from social media. One of my best friends visited me and we spent almost an entire week at my beach house; truth be told this little vacation forced me to step back from social media and the blog because there is no internet on the island. I spent that week soaking up some sun and exploring the coast (pictures coming soon! promise!). After she left I came face to face with the realization that my life is changing, in a very permanent way. This isn’t a realization that’s a complete smack in the face. I know that the past year of my life has been an intermission. The next year of my life will be the first I’ve spent away from friends and family, in a new city and a new state, pursuing my education. I completed my undergraduate degree in Maine, half an hour from the town I called home for the past 12 years.
I am, for the first time ever, venturing out on my own, and what’s more, I know that when I complete this degree I will be going to another new city, finding another new apartment, and starting my life as an adult. I am in the awkward in between period between adulthood and childhood, and if I’m honest I’m completely terrified. For so long I’ve always thought I knew my steps in life. I knew where I was going and what I was doing; and when that was unsure about all else, I knew who I was supposed to marry. The end of my previous relationship was abrupt, painful, and surreal. I acknowledge it might have been necessary, but for all of my adult life, I have honestly thought that relationship would be a constant in my life. The realization that I am simply not enough to fulfill any one person’s needs has been humbling.
In the midst of all this uncertainty and fear, I’m blessed to have my mother supporting me and functioning as a personal cheerleader. When I’m binge-cleaning because I’m so stressed I can’t even face the concept of packing my clothes, she’s calling my aunt and grandmother and being a prayer warrior. She’s reminding me that even though I’m scared, this is the right step for me and I’m going to love my new life. I am honestly blessed beyond measure to have such an invested, caring, loving mother. I know that she’s afraid to have her last bird leave the nest (despite being the middle child somehow I’m the one who has taken the longest moving out), but even in the middle of her empty nest syndrome she’s cheering me on and reminding me that she’s always a phone call, or if it’s really bad a road-trip, away.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland” – Isaiah 43:18-19
What I’m listening to:
God Help Me – Plumb
All In – Matthew West