I recently lost a relationship that meant the world to me. This person was a relative constant in my decidedly inconsistent world. No matter who came and went in my life, I knew that if I reached out, this person would always be there for me, quietly cheering me on, consistently supporting me.
The list of reasons that we parted ways is deceptively short, considering the underlying issues. We wanted different things from a relationship, and we were at different places in life. I would be dishonest if I said I don’t think my faith played a role in the decision to walk away from our relationship. This confronts me with a troubling matter; what am I willing to compromise to make a relationship work? My older sister and her boyfriend were forced to confront this issue not long ago. As two strong, intelligent, independent, Christians they were compelled to examine the issues that different opinions held by their respective denominations made in their partnership. If I’m honest, watching them debate with one another sparked doubts regarding my relationship, and how enduring a friendship (let alone a romantic relationship) could be between two people who have such different perspectives on matters of faith and ideology.
Although the choice to walk away was not made by me, part of me is thankful that my friend had the personal integrity to confront a reality I wasn’t willing to confront. He has never been one to avoid a challenge, or confront an issue head on … and truth be told that’s a quality I don’t possess. Change terrifies me, admitting that I’m having misgivings and being decisive have never been personal strengths of mine. I applaud him for having the personal integrity and decisiveness to make a decision for both of us when I wasn’t strong or stable enough to make the choice for myself.
I know I am not a self-assured individual, however, of one thing I’m sure. I am not willing to make compromises on my faith, and on the isolated incidents where I do make compromises I retreat into silence, internally bitter, and toxic towards the individuals I interact with. In the twilight of this season of my life, in this transition of relationships, lifestyle, educational status, and personal location I am forcing myself to take a step back, breath, and remember that even though I might not see it, God has a plan for my life.
What I’m listening to
I’ll Find You – Lecrae, Tori Kelly
Even When It Hurts – Hillsong United
Give Me Faith – Elevation Worship
“For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and future.”
– Jeremiah 29:11